ASA.ASPIRIN SAVED
AMERICA
ASA · THE UNSUNG HEROAMERICA
Aspirin: preventing clots, heart attacks, and Republican Senate seats in Texas since 2026.
POLITICAL PARODY · ASA = ASA
NOT MEDICAL ADVICE
01
THE SHAREABLE SIDE EFFECTSTAKE THE ROAST OFF-SITE
THE PUNCHLINES.
NOW PORTABLE.
The best of the ASA theory, dressed for your feed.
Pick a card. Download the image. Let the group chat handle the rest.
08ROASTS.
ZERO SUGAR COATING.
ZERO SUGAR COATING.
1080 × 1080High-resolution PNGSatire label included
ASA.ASPIRIN SAVED
AMERICA
TRUMP’S DAILY DOSEAMERICA
Trump didn’t want “thick blood pouring through my heart.” Texas Republicans didn’t want a Democratic senator. Only one of them got their wish.
POLITICAL PARODY · ASA = ASA
NOT MEDICAL ADVICE
02
Thick blood, thin majority
ASA.ASPIRIN SAVED
AMERICA
ASA = ASAAMERICA
ASA: Acetylsalicylic Acid. Also ASA: Aspirin Saved America. Coincidence? The pharmacist declined to comment.
POLITICAL PARODY · ASA = ASA
NOT MEDICAL ADVICE
03
The acronym
ASA.ASPIRIN SAVED
AMERICA
SOUTH CAROLINA · 2026 U.S. SENATEAMERICA
South Carolina hadn’t elected a Democratic senator since 1998. Then a 325 mg tablet entered the chat.
POLITICAL PARODY · ASA = ASA
NOT MEDICAL ADVICE
04
Since 1998
ASA.ASPIRIN SAVED
AMERICA
KEN PAXTON · TEXAS 2026AMERICA
Ken Paxton lost to a former schoolteacher. The aspirin sends its regards.
POLITICAL PARODY · ASA = ASA
NOT MEDICAL ADVICE
05
The aspirin sends its regards
ASA.ASPIRIN SAVED
AMERICA
GREG ABBOTT · TEXAS 2026AMERICA
Greg Abbott blamed everything except the real culprit: a tablet small enough to fit in a Texas-sized pocket.
POLITICAL PARODY · ASA = ASA
NOT MEDICAL ADVICE
06
A Texas-sized pocket
ASA.ASPIRIN SAVED
AMERICA
DOCTOR’S ORDERS (NOT REALLY)AMERICA
Take two and call the Democrats in the morning.
POLITICAL PARODY · ASA = ASA
NOT MEDICAL ADVICE
07
Take two
ASA.ASPIRIN SAVED
AMERICA
SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDEAMERICA
Warning: daily aspirin use may cause blue states in people who weren’t expecting them.
POLITICAL PARODY · ASA = ASA
NOT MEDICAL ADVICE
08